Decision Made

On Monday, I made one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made, which may seem strange to some, but it's true. I communicated to my bosses that it was time for me to resign. I have been an employee at Giant Partners for over 6 1/2 years now. And actually, I was their very FIRST employee. So, needless to say, the thought of having to tell them "goodbye" was crushing me. Through many tears, I was able to communicate my heart and tell them that this was a decision the Lord was leading me too... and it was received with nothing but support, understanding and encouragement. My life has felt divided over the last several months... wanting to be fully present with being a wife and mom, but also wanting to be fully present with my role at Giant Partners. The funny thing is, I was only working part time. But I realized something about myself - it's way too hard for me to just be "part time" with something when I feel so dedicated to it. I was getting frustrated, because I felt like I couldn't give either one 100% of me. This was causing some unnecessary stress in my life. So I prayed about this decision for a LONG time, asking the Lord what HE wanted me to do. He gently told me to lay my job down. You see, for me it wasn't just a job - it had slowly become my identity... something that was defining me. So I wrestled with thoughts of, what will people think if I'm "just a mom"? Being a "professional woman" sounds so much more important. I don't want to look like a failure...I don't want to let anyone down... What will I do with my time? What if I regret it? Etc, etc?? But after wrestling with the different thoughts I was having, God showed me where my heart wanted to be... with my family. And I also felt like there was a promise there, that if I was able to be bold and obey Him and lay this down, that there would be so much freedom and NEW things waiting for me in the next chapter of my life. Today I feel that. But I still feel much sadness too, because making the final decision to resign is actually like "dying" to a part of me. I will miss that company. I will miss the team. I will miss driving to the office in my business attire, knowing that I was a part of something so much bigger than me.But I am so hopeful... and excited... and relieved. Relieved to have that tough conversation over with. I feel extremely blessed to even be able to make a decision like this, because I know it's not an option for some... especially with my husband being in full support of it. But the great thing is, the Lord calls us all to different things. What may be right for me in this phase of life, could be totally wrong for someone else. It's really all about trusting, and doing what we're called to do, wholeheartedly. Fulfilling our purpose, and walking in that confidently. God has called me to close that chapter of my life, and enter into the next one with great expectation. And I am confident of this! I still have 5 more weeks to pour into Giant Partners. So I will be diligent and work hard, and give them all I can until November 9th. Then, it's on to new adventures in mommyhood!! And who knows, maybe some of my own creative juices will get stirred up a little more. Like maybe, just maybe, I will have time to blog a little more frequently. We shall see. All I know is that this feels good. It feels good knowing that I took a risk and made a tough decision. My soul feels free and alive!

Dancing in the Living Room

Tonight I was getting dinner ready, with the usual music blaring from the surround sound speakers, of which my husband is so proud. I can't cook without music. It's illegal. :) So I turned on my favorite station, XM 51. Immediately, Graham starts moving to the music. He's got an ear for it, I tell ya. Then he runs to me and throws his arms up in the air. With arms reaching up to the sky, he says, "Mommy, dance with me!" How could I resist?! So we clasp hands, run in the living room, and spin around, over and over again, until we are so dizzy we fall down, laughing hysterically. I love my son's laugh. It truly comes from deep within his belly! "More!" he says. He always wants more. So we do it again, and fall to the ground laughing. All the while, me, the mom, is loving this moment. And I remember the conversation we had with my 94 year-old grandmother just this morning, when we were visiting her at her assisted-living home. "You know, Adriane, your dad really handles everything for me now. He takes care of all my bills; he gets my medicine for me. He handles it all." There was gratitude, deep and sincere thankfulness in the words that she muttered. And suddenly I realized, the unique, crazy love between a mother and her son... and I smiled. Spinning around until I'm so dizzy I can't stand any more... Today my son is reaching for me. One day, I will reach for him. I'm so grateful.

Summer in Review

Today it's 77 degrees outside. Ahhhh...I'm breathing a sigh of relief, as I sit here with our windows open, dreaming of what the fall will bring. It has been a great past three months. Our summer might not have been exactly what we thought it was going to be...lots of relaxing, restful days at the pool, etc., but it was still a really good summer. June and July were consumed with remodeling projects on our first ever rent house. Weekends and nights were spent gutting, sanding, texturing, staining, priming, painting, and the list goes on. Some days we were wondering if we were in over our heads. But, we completed the task, and we were extremely pleased with how it turned out. The house looks amazing. And our friends, Andy & Laura moved into it at the end of July. It's been so fun having new neighbors!
Among other things that happened in June: Graham turned 2, I turned 30, mom turned 60, dad turned 62. It was a BIG month. Ryan and my dad blew my mom and I away with an AMAZING surprise birthday party. I felt like a kid all over again!! I felt so loved and celebrated. It was an absolutely perfect birthday.
At the end of July, after all our hard work was over, we took a family vacation to TableRock Lake. It was so much fun! We water skied, Jet Skied, swam, rode the tube, hung out with the fam and ate lots of great food. We even drove into Branson for a day to meet up with my friend Rachael and her husband Nathan.
Finally, when August hit, we felt like we could slow down and breath a little bit. So over the past couple of weeks we have really rested and soaked up the last few days of summer. And now, we are looking with anticipation to this fall...I think it's going to be a good one!

Just Around the Corner...

So, a new decade awaits me, just around the corner. In 2 1/2 days I will be 30. T-H-I-R-T-Y!!! Craziness. I will enjoy these last few moments of being in my twenties. I've had some amazing memories from my 20s... turning 21, traveling abroad, celebrating my 22nd b-day in Rome, graduating from OSU, working at Giant Partners, marrying my best friend, having my first child, and all the millions of other things in between. Life has been good, and I just know it will continue to get better. Honestly, I'm really looking forward to being 30. I'm praying that I will feel a new sense of freedom and confidence in the Lord, and that God would fill me with more wisdom.

Today is my mom's 60th birthday. Yes, we are exactly 30 years a part. It's been fun celebrating our birthdays together over the years. I'm honoring her today, for the woman that she is. Her life has been an incredible example for me, not to mention, hundreds of other women. I am so blessed to call her mom, and so incredibly thankful to have her in my life. Mom, this is going to be a great year for you! May you experience SO MUCH MORE of the amazing, radical love of Jesus in your life!

In the Moment

It's been a while, I know. And believe me, my heart has missed this "processing" that takes place between my mind and the keyboard. But as summer approaches, so does a new season and feeling of rest, one that is much anticipated. I find myself repeating what I've said in numerous blog posts, but here's to hoping I can find more time to be still and process life in this upcoming season of rest.
Today has been perfect. I've caught myself telling people a lot lately that I love my mornings now... and it's true. My son woke up at 8 am today, and I was ready to turn on the coffee pot and start my day. I think what I appreciate about having "morning" time is that it gives me so much more time in my days! Ha! Who would have thought? :) It's amazing what I can accomplish before Graham's 2 o'clock nap time. We had such a fun time in the park this morning with some other moms that live in our neighborhood. We love park days!! Now, while he's in there snoozing away, I'm enjoying reading and writing in the sun. I just read through the book of Philippians (NLV)... what an incredible book! I love how God can just take a simple little moment and cause your eyes to open up and see His truths in a completely different light. I mean, it could be something that you've read a million times, but then one day, in one single moment, He comes in, peels open your eyelids a little bit further, until you stumble upon the little gold nugget that He wants you to see... not yesterday... not tomorrow, but right in that very moment He wants you to feel something new. That just happened to me, reading through Philippians. There is so much good truth in that book about living life NOW. And that's what I'm craving... to be encouraged to keep living a life of meaning, right here, right now, right where I am. I found tremendous encouragement in Paul's words to the church at Philippi. "Always be full of joy in the Lord - rejoice!" In the notes at the bottom of the verses, it's says that Paul discovered the true secret of joy and peace - to imitate Christ and serve others. When this happens, we learn unity, humility, joy and peace. Sounds so easy, doesn't it?? If only it really was easy to imitate Christ and serve others ALL the time... it's challenging. But I think also, that maybe we just like to complicate things a little bit. All I know, is that today, in this moment, these words challenged me, but more than that, they encouraged me. This won't be the last time I read through that book... maybe I'll chew on it some more over the next few days.
On another note, I was talking with some good friends of mine the other day about books and reading. What's funny about me is that I love books - the way they look, feel and smell; I LOVE writing; I love book stores; I took several creative writing classes in high school and college, and I've even thought about writing a book one day, but strangely enough, I've never taken up the actual HOBBY of reading. I mean, sure, I'll read a book here or there, but it usually takes a miracle for me to actually finish one. (Quick Plug: The most recent book I read AND finished was CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan, and I absolutely loved it! I recommend it to anyone who wants to be challenged about life and living.) So anyway, back to the conversation with my friends, we were talking about reading novels, which is something I've never done, except for when I was in school. When I pick up a book to read, it's usually because I want to learn something from it, or be challenged by it. But really reading a book for pure entertainment or enjoyment doesn't usually fall within my daily routine. So, this got me thinking... I'm going to give this whole novel thing a try. Because what I'm hoping will happen is that it will not only begin to be an enjoyment for me, but that it will also begin to stir up new creativity in me. And that would be OH SO WONDERFUL! So, I think I've decided that my first Novel attempt will be The Secret Life of Bees. As you guys recall, the movie really spoke to me, so I'm sure the book is even way better. Unless anyone has any better novel ideas for me, that is where I will begin. I'll keep you updated on my progress. But for now, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of this beautiful day!

The Secret Life of Bees

I loved this movie. Every once in a while I'll watch a movie that just really speaks to me. Maybe it's because of the day of week it is, or maybe it's because it hits something in my own heart that I can really relate to. I don't know, but I watched this movie on Valentine's Day, and I cried a lot. Maybe I was jut needing a good cry. And it just so happened that Ryan went to bed because he was so sleepy, so I ended up watching the majority of this movie by myself. It was freeing to cry with no one watching. Several people had told me about this book a few years ago. I borrowed it from my mom, but it's still sitting on my shelf collecting dust. Maybe I'll actually pick it up and read it now. I never heard anything about the movie, so it was kind of random that we even rented it. I want to own it now.
To me, it was a story of really coming to grips with the feelings and emotions that we often keep bottled up inside. Sometimes, we keep them bottled up because we simply don't know how to feel or how to express what's going on. Sometimes we keep them hidden because we think if people really saw what we truly felt or thought, it would push people away or make us feel unlovable. So out of fear, we try to cover up our feelings. And sometimes, we stuff those feelings and emotions down simply because of pride. Pride keeps us from trusting people and trusting ourselves. This movie was a beautiful picture of the freedom and release that can happen when we have the boldness to put words to those feelings, to actually "trust" the feelings themselves, and to trust that it's going to be ok when we express them. Sweet release. We all just want to feel loved and accepted. God created us with that longing to be loved. And we need people in our lives... to push us, to stretch us, to accept and love us no matter where we are... no matter what we need to FEEL and EXPRESS... anger, sadness, grief, joy. If we can get it out, breaking free from the "bottle" we often try to keep it in, we will feel so much freedom. And in return, we'll be able to experience so much more in life.

First Photo Shoot

So way back when I was big and round and incredibly pregnant, my friends threw me a lovely baby shower. Of course I loved everything I got that day, and was so overwhelmed with everyone's generosity, but one of the most prized gifts that I received was from my brother (Zach) and sister-in-law (Christa). They gave us a free one-hour photo shoot with Candi Coffman. (If you're needing a baby gift idea, you can't go wrong with that!) We could never decide when to use it, until this past fall. We decided to do it before Thanksgiving, so we could give the photos as "gifts" to our families. Candi did such a great job, and we had so much fun as she was just snapping away! She took a ton of pictures, but here's a few highlights from our first professional family photo shoot...

Oh, you know what, this is too difficult! I'm trying to pick out my favorites, but there are too many! Just know that there are even so many more good ones than this, I just don't have room to post them all!!

By the way, does anyone have helpful hints on how to post multiple photos better than this? It seems a bit difficult to me. Oh well, hope you enjoy the pics anyway!