When I became a mother, I never imagined the massive amount of new fears that would well up in my mind. Before, I never considered myself a fearful person. However, now that I have a tiny and precious boy that I am taking care of, fears have come up that I didn't even know existed. It doesn't help that the media strategically throws facts (and falsehoods, and unknowns) in our faces as if to intensify what could be the most minor of all fears. It's as if they
want us to walk around worrying all the time. Are you feeding your baby the right foods, giving him the right shots, not giving him certain shots, medications, toys with lead paint....and on and on and on. Not to mention, there are a million options for everything now...natural, organic, DHA, sensitive, lavender, aloe, fragrance free, oil free, tear free, EVERYTHING free!! Aaahhhhhh! What happened to the simple life? One day they tell us one thing, and the next day it's something different. If I really let it get to me, I could muster up a full-on anxiety attack!
A few days ago, my son came down with a pretty bad cough. You know, the kind that is full of muck and junk, that rumbles deep in your chest. I thought it would go away. But it didn't. Late Sunday night, I stood in his room and watched him sleep as he took deep, heavy, congested breaths, with intense coughs in between. I hated it. And I felt that fear begin to creep in again, as I watched him. I started worrying, like the first day we came home from the hospital after he was born....."Dear God, if he goes to sleep is he going to wake up?" Every little sound and movement he made, grabbed my attention. So I took him to the doctor the next morning, only to find out that not only did he have a pretty serious cough, but also an ear infection. This is his 2nd ear infection. Let me just say that it is the absolute worst feeling in the world to have a sick baby who is hurting, and you can't do anything to take the pain away. Ugh. They gave me a prescription for the little guy, and I'm praying that it works.
So what I'm learning, or should I say, what I'm being reminded of, as a new mom, is that I can't let those fears control me. And I
won't let them control me. Because the truth is, God is in control. He's the only one who's in control of everything. And that gives me peace. Perfect peace. Because I can trust that He's in control of my son's life. And He's in control of my life. So I can go on being a mom, using the wisdom God gives me, and loving my son as God loves me...and trusting that he's got us in His hands. There will always be something else to worry about, a new "what if"....the key is recognizing and stopping that thought before it becomes a fear.
