Less than Perfect

Why does it feel that every time I sit down to write a blog I have to have it just perfect? It doesn't matter if it's perfect or not! I just want to write. I want to feel the freedom to write whatever I want to write, whenever I want to write. Sometimes the blog world creates an unnecessary pressure, or maybe it's an intimidation, that slowly pushes my fingers away from the keyboard when I get that urge to write. I don't want to give into that pressure. I just want to write. So.... here's to more freedom in my writing for 2009! 

Today is the most STILL day I have seen in a while. It's not very often that you have a "still" day in Oklahoma. Most of the time the wind is blowing the leaves down the road, or tickling each blade of grass, making the world seem completely alive and active. But not today. Today, I'm looking out my window and it is STILL. This stillness is a gift. It seems like the last few months, I haven't been able to be still at all. And now, here I am, sitting in 2009. TWO THOUSAND AND NINE! What in the world?? Is time really moving this fast? I turn 30 this year. Unbelievable. But before I move onto that thought, I just want to enjoy this quiet, still moment. My baby is sleeping, I'm listening to XM 51... which by the way is a great station. It's a bit addicting if you ask me... it's like having a Coffee House in my living room. And, yes, I'm in my living room. Are you wondering how that could be?? Well, my sweet and thoughtful husband got me a brand-stinkin-new MacBook for Christmas!! I was shocked. But, I love it. I hope that this shiny, new thing encourages me to write my heart out. Thanks, babe. 

December already?

Wow. So, I've been avoiding my blog lately, simply because I am SO FAR BEHIND! Goodness! There have been a multitude of things that have happened in our lives since October, but how will I ever find the time to describe all of them to you? Well, I don't know. But I hope I haven't lost all of my readers. If so, come back! It's time for us to re-connect. Grab a cup of coffee (wish I had one right now!), sit back, and enjoy the List. A list of events is all I can do for now. But soon to follow will be pictures and adventures galore! Well... at least a few pictures, and maybe a few stories. We'll see how it all turns out.
October
1. Ryan survives his ear surgery - everything went smoothly!
2. OSU Homecoming - Graham's first trip to Stillwater!
3. Celebrated 4 fabulous years of marriage to my amazing husband!
4. Halloween Front Yard Cookout - Graham was a green dragon- ADORABLE.
November
5. Fishing trip with Friends!
6. Coldplay concert - Chris Martin rocked my face off.
7. Healthy results from numerous doctor appointments - praise the Lord.
8. Jami & Justin got married - Graham screamed as he walked down the aisle in a tux!! And yes, I wore the black dress posted on my blog, and found some fabulous shoes to go with it. :)
9. Thanksgiving - so many things to be grateful for this year.
December
10. Mammy (my dad's mom) came for a visit from Austin. So good to see her and let Graham see her.
11. G's first limo ride - looked at Christmas lights for Christa's b-day, with the fam!
12. Family, friends, celebrations, and CHRISTMAS shopping in the days ahead!!!

What a wonderful fall it has been. My heart is full of thanksgiving and joy as we enter this next season. Graham is almost 18 months old now. He is hilarious. His personality seriously amazes me. We smile and laugh everyday... and we keep meeting people every where we go. What an amazing gift he is to Ryan and me. I look forward to posting some recent pictures. Now go, enjoy what this day has to offer you.

TODAY

Today I've had lots of thoughts. I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, with lap top and coffee in hand. Actually, today I opted for the chai latte. Why? Because it's cold and rainy, and the chai latte has a way of reminding me of the warmth of the holidays. It's actually a miracle that I have 2 hours to do whatever I want. I came here needing to get some work done, but I find myself wanting to blog instead. It's been a crazy week. Ryan had surgery on Monday. And although the surgery went really well, I still find it emotionally draining for both of us. It's true you get sympathy pains for the ones you love. On Monday during his 2-hour procedure, I felt a little "sick" and distracted from everything else.  Then, when I sat by his side as he was all doped up, I got emotional. I think it's normal to feel emotional when your spouse is in a state of being completely unaware of things that are happening... when what seems 'normal' is no longer there. I hated that he had to have surgery, but I thank the Lord for allowing it to happen. He's had severe pain in his ears for a while now. The worst thing about it... I couldn't do anything to take that pain away. I love my husband, and all the things that make him who he is. And I hate seeing him hurt. God knew that he needed this surgery on Monday. The cyst that was found in his left ear had significantly grown, and it grew very quickly. But now it's gone. Praise the Lord it's gone. Sometimes the recovery process is harder than the procedure. That's where we are now. He's recovering. And I have full faith that the Lord will use this surgery to heal his ears... and that he will hear better than he did before. I've been stretched over the last few days... stretched in a new way. My patience has been challenged. I've had to learn how to take care of a recovering patient and a very active baby boy at the same time. And I've been reminded that I can't do it all in my own strength.  So that's why I'm here right now. I'm getting re-charged, if you will. Both the boys went down for a nap, so I jumped on the opportunity to take a break. 

I was reminded about humility this morning in Luke 14... that part of the definition of humility is being willing and ready to serve, not for personal gain, but simply just to serve. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to love and serve my husband and son well. And in the midst of it, I feel the Lord humbling my heart through it all. God is good. I love how He uses every experience in our lives (big or small) to teach us something about ourselves. I think that's one of the ways He shows us grace. So I'm depending on Him to love well... to love Graham well, even when he's throwing a tantrum while I'm trying to change his diaper and get dinner ready, etc. Ha! I know this is just life. But life is funny and challenging sometimes, so it helps me to process on paper...or on the blog. 

So anyway, that's where I am now. About time for me to head back home and love on those boys of mine! I have hopes that Ryan will feel more like himself in a day or two. Thanks to all of you who lifted up a prayer or two for his sake. I know God heard you.

Hmmm... maybe I should get a drink to go, too... 

My Boy

My baby seems to be quickly turning into a little boy... full of life, joy and energy. We played outside a lot today. He loves the outdoors. He is getting closer and closer to walking. On Sunday, he took his first step. I just can't believe how fast he's growing. Ryan and I are absolutely crazy about him. And I just melt every time he says, "Mamma." I know we have a lot of adventures ahead of us... and I look forward to all of them. 

Little Black Dress Attack

OK, friends (preferably FEMALE friends), I need help. So, my sister-in-law is getting married in November, which we are SO pumped about! She's going to be a beautiful bride. I feel so honored, because she has asked me to be one of her attendants. She is trying to keep things simple, so as attendants, she wants us to wear black dresses of our choice. Easy, right? WRONG! SO WRONG! Do you know how many "little black dresses" there are out there?? Millions! All shapes and sizes. We did like a 6 hour shopping marathon, and I don't know how many dresses I tried on, but I was having the absolute hardest time making a decision. Several things came into play during this difficult decision-making process: 1. I'm an indecisive person anyway. 2. Once I became a mom, I realized that I find it much easier to buy clothes for other people than for myself. 3. I feel so 'out of style'. I mean, really, what is fashionable nowadays anyway??!!

Well, after short, long, strapless, halter and everything in-between, I finally, just bit the bullet and brought one home. I got the family's approval, but I need you guys to instill more confidence in me. Do you like this dress? I wanted something that was unique but that I would still be able to wear to other events, parties, etc. So what do you think?? Did I make a good choice? Is it flattering? Is it in-style? Do you have a better idea for me? :)  Please try to look past the awkward pictures that I was trying to take of myself in the mirror... and try to just see the beauty of the dress. :) It's called a razor-cut dress (I think), it has spaghetti straps and it came with a mesh shawl. What do you think? Is it timeless? Or should I continue the search?

Next on the list: SHOES.

Hat Days

So, Graham's uncle Zach and aunt Christa gave him two new adorable hats for fall and winter. They're from a company in Canada. (Christa is always finding very cool, unique gifts for all of us). The only problem is, Graham is not so much in the "loving hats stage" right now. But I love the hats on my son! Anyway, the other day we were on one of our morning walks, and I managed to distract him long enough to keep one of the hats on him for a few snap shots. These have become some of our favorite pics, so I wanted to share them with you! Hopefully we'll have more Happy Hat days in the future.

Picture Perfect

If ever there was a picture perfect day it is TODAY. Seriously, it couldn't be more beautiful outside. It's 65 degrees and sunny. I feel like I'm on vacation. After going on a nice morning walk with a friend, I came home and put Graham down for a nap... which he was fighting for a little bit. Then, I  brewed myself some coffee, grabbed my Bible and sat out on my front porch and read through some words from Luke. So relaxing... and refreshing - two words I often like to use, but more importantly, like to find myself engulfed in.  Gripping my coffee cup, I couldn't help but  notice the bold orange logo on it that reads, "Mauna Kea Beach Hotel." Ahhhh yes, it took me back to our time in Hawaii a couple of years ago. My favorite thing on that trip was to get up early in the morning, go down for the enormously fresh breakfast buffet, and find a chair outside that overlooked the ocean. And of course, it wasn't quite complete until they came and poured me a cup of that fresh Hawaiian coffee. So, this morning I wasn't quite overlooking the ocean, but rather a nice, quiet neighborhood street - one that I love so much... with a mug of freshly brewed Starbucks coffee, straight from the Smith's kitchen. It's not Hawaii, but I would be perfectly satisfied to have a morning like this every day.