In the Moment

It's been a while, I know. And believe me, my heart has missed this "processing" that takes place between my mind and the keyboard. But as summer approaches, so does a new season and feeling of rest, one that is much anticipated. I find myself repeating what I've said in numerous blog posts, but here's to hoping I can find more time to be still and process life in this upcoming season of rest.
Today has been perfect. I've caught myself telling people a lot lately that I love my mornings now... and it's true. My son woke up at 8 am today, and I was ready to turn on the coffee pot and start my day. I think what I appreciate about having "morning" time is that it gives me so much more time in my days! Ha! Who would have thought? :) It's amazing what I can accomplish before Graham's 2 o'clock nap time. We had such a fun time in the park this morning with some other moms that live in our neighborhood. We love park days!! Now, while he's in there snoozing away, I'm enjoying reading and writing in the sun. I just read through the book of Philippians (NLV)... what an incredible book! I love how God can just take a simple little moment and cause your eyes to open up and see His truths in a completely different light. I mean, it could be something that you've read a million times, but then one day, in one single moment, He comes in, peels open your eyelids a little bit further, until you stumble upon the little gold nugget that He wants you to see... not yesterday... not tomorrow, but right in that very moment He wants you to feel something new. That just happened to me, reading through Philippians. There is so much good truth in that book about living life NOW. And that's what I'm craving... to be encouraged to keep living a life of meaning, right here, right now, right where I am. I found tremendous encouragement in Paul's words to the church at Philippi. "Always be full of joy in the Lord - rejoice!" In the notes at the bottom of the verses, it's says that Paul discovered the true secret of joy and peace - to imitate Christ and serve others. When this happens, we learn unity, humility, joy and peace. Sounds so easy, doesn't it?? If only it really was easy to imitate Christ and serve others ALL the time... it's challenging. But I think also, that maybe we just like to complicate things a little bit. All I know, is that today, in this moment, these words challenged me, but more than that, they encouraged me. This won't be the last time I read through that book... maybe I'll chew on it some more over the next few days.
On another note, I was talking with some good friends of mine the other day about books and reading. What's funny about me is that I love books - the way they look, feel and smell; I LOVE writing; I love book stores; I took several creative writing classes in high school and college, and I've even thought about writing a book one day, but strangely enough, I've never taken up the actual HOBBY of reading. I mean, sure, I'll read a book here or there, but it usually takes a miracle for me to actually finish one. (Quick Plug: The most recent book I read AND finished was CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan, and I absolutely loved it! I recommend it to anyone who wants to be challenged about life and living.) So anyway, back to the conversation with my friends, we were talking about reading novels, which is something I've never done, except for when I was in school. When I pick up a book to read, it's usually because I want to learn something from it, or be challenged by it. But really reading a book for pure entertainment or enjoyment doesn't usually fall within my daily routine. So, this got me thinking... I'm going to give this whole novel thing a try. Because what I'm hoping will happen is that it will not only begin to be an enjoyment for me, but that it will also begin to stir up new creativity in me. And that would be OH SO WONDERFUL! So, I think I've decided that my first Novel attempt will be The Secret Life of Bees. As you guys recall, the movie really spoke to me, so I'm sure the book is even way better. Unless anyone has any better novel ideas for me, that is where I will begin. I'll keep you updated on my progress. But for now, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of this beautiful day!

The Secret Life of Bees

I loved this movie. Every once in a while I'll watch a movie that just really speaks to me. Maybe it's because of the day of week it is, or maybe it's because it hits something in my own heart that I can really relate to. I don't know, but I watched this movie on Valentine's Day, and I cried a lot. Maybe I was jut needing a good cry. And it just so happened that Ryan went to bed because he was so sleepy, so I ended up watching the majority of this movie by myself. It was freeing to cry with no one watching. Several people had told me about this book a few years ago. I borrowed it from my mom, but it's still sitting on my shelf collecting dust. Maybe I'll actually pick it up and read it now. I never heard anything about the movie, so it was kind of random that we even rented it. I want to own it now.
To me, it was a story of really coming to grips with the feelings and emotions that we often keep bottled up inside. Sometimes, we keep them bottled up because we simply don't know how to feel or how to express what's going on. Sometimes we keep them hidden because we think if people really saw what we truly felt or thought, it would push people away or make us feel unlovable. So out of fear, we try to cover up our feelings. And sometimes, we stuff those feelings and emotions down simply because of pride. Pride keeps us from trusting people and trusting ourselves. This movie was a beautiful picture of the freedom and release that can happen when we have the boldness to put words to those feelings, to actually "trust" the feelings themselves, and to trust that it's going to be ok when we express them. Sweet release. We all just want to feel loved and accepted. God created us with that longing to be loved. And we need people in our lives... to push us, to stretch us, to accept and love us no matter where we are... no matter what we need to FEEL and EXPRESS... anger, sadness, grief, joy. If we can get it out, breaking free from the "bottle" we often try to keep it in, we will feel so much freedom. And in return, we'll be able to experience so much more in life.

First Photo Shoot

So way back when I was big and round and incredibly pregnant, my friends threw me a lovely baby shower. Of course I loved everything I got that day, and was so overwhelmed with everyone's generosity, but one of the most prized gifts that I received was from my brother (Zach) and sister-in-law (Christa). They gave us a free one-hour photo shoot with Candi Coffman. (If you're needing a baby gift idea, you can't go wrong with that!) We could never decide when to use it, until this past fall. We decided to do it before Thanksgiving, so we could give the photos as "gifts" to our families. Candi did such a great job, and we had so much fun as she was just snapping away! She took a ton of pictures, but here's a few highlights from our first professional family photo shoot...

Oh, you know what, this is too difficult! I'm trying to pick out my favorites, but there are too many! Just know that there are even so many more good ones than this, I just don't have room to post them all!!

By the way, does anyone have helpful hints on how to post multiple photos better than this? It seems a bit difficult to me. Oh well, hope you enjoy the pics anyway!

Less than Perfect

Why does it feel that every time I sit down to write a blog I have to have it just perfect? It doesn't matter if it's perfect or not! I just want to write. I want to feel the freedom to write whatever I want to write, whenever I want to write. Sometimes the blog world creates an unnecessary pressure, or maybe it's an intimidation, that slowly pushes my fingers away from the keyboard when I get that urge to write. I don't want to give into that pressure. I just want to write. So.... here's to more freedom in my writing for 2009! 

Today is the most STILL day I have seen in a while. It's not very often that you have a "still" day in Oklahoma. Most of the time the wind is blowing the leaves down the road, or tickling each blade of grass, making the world seem completely alive and active. But not today. Today, I'm looking out my window and it is STILL. This stillness is a gift. It seems like the last few months, I haven't been able to be still at all. And now, here I am, sitting in 2009. TWO THOUSAND AND NINE! What in the world?? Is time really moving this fast? I turn 30 this year. Unbelievable. But before I move onto that thought, I just want to enjoy this quiet, still moment. My baby is sleeping, I'm listening to XM 51... which by the way is a great station. It's a bit addicting if you ask me... it's like having a Coffee House in my living room. And, yes, I'm in my living room. Are you wondering how that could be?? Well, my sweet and thoughtful husband got me a brand-stinkin-new MacBook for Christmas!! I was shocked. But, I love it. I hope that this shiny, new thing encourages me to write my heart out. Thanks, babe. 

December already?

Wow. So, I've been avoiding my blog lately, simply because I am SO FAR BEHIND! Goodness! There have been a multitude of things that have happened in our lives since October, but how will I ever find the time to describe all of them to you? Well, I don't know. But I hope I haven't lost all of my readers. If so, come back! It's time for us to re-connect. Grab a cup of coffee (wish I had one right now!), sit back, and enjoy the List. A list of events is all I can do for now. But soon to follow will be pictures and adventures galore! Well... at least a few pictures, and maybe a few stories. We'll see how it all turns out.
October
1. Ryan survives his ear surgery - everything went smoothly!
2. OSU Homecoming - Graham's first trip to Stillwater!
3. Celebrated 4 fabulous years of marriage to my amazing husband!
4. Halloween Front Yard Cookout - Graham was a green dragon- ADORABLE.
November
5. Fishing trip with Friends!
6. Coldplay concert - Chris Martin rocked my face off.
7. Healthy results from numerous doctor appointments - praise the Lord.
8. Jami & Justin got married - Graham screamed as he walked down the aisle in a tux!! And yes, I wore the black dress posted on my blog, and found some fabulous shoes to go with it. :)
9. Thanksgiving - so many things to be grateful for this year.
December
10. Mammy (my dad's mom) came for a visit from Austin. So good to see her and let Graham see her.
11. G's first limo ride - looked at Christmas lights for Christa's b-day, with the fam!
12. Family, friends, celebrations, and CHRISTMAS shopping in the days ahead!!!

What a wonderful fall it has been. My heart is full of thanksgiving and joy as we enter this next season. Graham is almost 18 months old now. He is hilarious. His personality seriously amazes me. We smile and laugh everyday... and we keep meeting people every where we go. What an amazing gift he is to Ryan and me. I look forward to posting some recent pictures. Now go, enjoy what this day has to offer you.

TODAY

Today I've had lots of thoughts. I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, with lap top and coffee in hand. Actually, today I opted for the chai latte. Why? Because it's cold and rainy, and the chai latte has a way of reminding me of the warmth of the holidays. It's actually a miracle that I have 2 hours to do whatever I want. I came here needing to get some work done, but I find myself wanting to blog instead. It's been a crazy week. Ryan had surgery on Monday. And although the surgery went really well, I still find it emotionally draining for both of us. It's true you get sympathy pains for the ones you love. On Monday during his 2-hour procedure, I felt a little "sick" and distracted from everything else.  Then, when I sat by his side as he was all doped up, I got emotional. I think it's normal to feel emotional when your spouse is in a state of being completely unaware of things that are happening... when what seems 'normal' is no longer there. I hated that he had to have surgery, but I thank the Lord for allowing it to happen. He's had severe pain in his ears for a while now. The worst thing about it... I couldn't do anything to take that pain away. I love my husband, and all the things that make him who he is. And I hate seeing him hurt. God knew that he needed this surgery on Monday. The cyst that was found in his left ear had significantly grown, and it grew very quickly. But now it's gone. Praise the Lord it's gone. Sometimes the recovery process is harder than the procedure. That's where we are now. He's recovering. And I have full faith that the Lord will use this surgery to heal his ears... and that he will hear better than he did before. I've been stretched over the last few days... stretched in a new way. My patience has been challenged. I've had to learn how to take care of a recovering patient and a very active baby boy at the same time. And I've been reminded that I can't do it all in my own strength.  So that's why I'm here right now. I'm getting re-charged, if you will. Both the boys went down for a nap, so I jumped on the opportunity to take a break. 

I was reminded about humility this morning in Luke 14... that part of the definition of humility is being willing and ready to serve, not for personal gain, but simply just to serve. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to love and serve my husband and son well. And in the midst of it, I feel the Lord humbling my heart through it all. God is good. I love how He uses every experience in our lives (big or small) to teach us something about ourselves. I think that's one of the ways He shows us grace. So I'm depending on Him to love well... to love Graham well, even when he's throwing a tantrum while I'm trying to change his diaper and get dinner ready, etc. Ha! I know this is just life. But life is funny and challenging sometimes, so it helps me to process on paper...or on the blog. 

So anyway, that's where I am now. About time for me to head back home and love on those boys of mine! I have hopes that Ryan will feel more like himself in a day or two. Thanks to all of you who lifted up a prayer or two for his sake. I know God heard you.

Hmmm... maybe I should get a drink to go, too... 

My Boy

My baby seems to be quickly turning into a little boy... full of life, joy and energy. We played outside a lot today. He loves the outdoors. He is getting closer and closer to walking. On Sunday, he took his first step. I just can't believe how fast he's growing. Ryan and I are absolutely crazy about him. And I just melt every time he says, "Mamma." I know we have a lot of adventures ahead of us... and I look forward to all of them.