Are you Rich?

Finding richness of soul... A couple of weeks ago I had what you could call a "moment" with God. I love these moments. They seem to happen at the perfect time in my life, in my day. And I think that this moment happened simply because I was asking for it. It's amazing what God will do if we just ASK. A lot has come out of this particular moment, and I believe that even more will come forth. Because I believe God awoke/is waking some things inside of me, in my soul. It's good. And it's good because I'm feeling the nearness of God again. Sometimes we can feel as if the Lord is light years away from us...wondering if He even has a clue what's going on in our lives, in our hearts, our minds, etc. Other times, He seems so close and real, that we can actually feel His presence in our midst...as if your best friend was sitting right next to you. The reassuring thing is - even when He may seem distant to us, He's not. He's always right there. Right beside me; right beside you. So the conclusion, then, that must be drawn is, if we feel that "distance," it is not Him who is far away, but us.

I was desperate and longing to feel that closeness again, so with the mercy and grace that He always shows me, He gently nudged me back to His side. As I was processing and reflecting on things I felt He was saying to me, a good friend reminded me of the the little book, Practicing His Presence, by Brother Lawrence & Frank Laubach. I have underlined a good portion of the book, which I'm sure I will continue referring to. But the first thing that seemed to catch my attention in this book, was this: "It is not fashion to tell your inmost thoughts, but there are many wrong fashions, and concealment of the best in us is wrong. I disapprove of the usual practice of talking 'small talk' whenever we meet, and holding a veil over our souls. If we are so impoverished that we have nothing to reveal but small talk, then we need to struggle for more richness of soul... My part is to live this hour in continuous inner conversation with God and in perfect responsiveness to his will, to make this hour gloriously rich."
Chew on that for a bit. :)
So I am on a quest now, that will help produce greater richness in me and in my soul. And I fully believe I can find this richness where I am right now, being a wife and a mom of two kiddos, trying to sort through the dirty diapers, the disciplining, the good, the bad, the highs, the lows, etc, etc. I can find a deeper and greater richness, because I have His presence in my life. And that is all I need.

Something New

Thought it was time for me to get a fresh new look for my simple little blog. So here it is...a new look for a new season of my life. Maybe these colors will inspire more creativity. I'm feeling inspired tonight already...inspired and motivated. Looking forward to what this inspiration and motivation might produce. Hopefully it will be something I can blog about - HA!

A Million and Two

Yes, that's right. There are a million and two things in my life that I'd love to write about right now. It's been so long. I feel like my pen has run dry, and I've been searching for more ink for a couple of months...no, scratch that...for a couple of YEARS. Writing is an outlet for me, and when I feel like I can't do it, or when I can't find the time, a part of me aches. I need the release. I don't know how many blogs and journal entries I've written in my head. What has happened to my quiet time? My down time? My times of reflection? My creativity? At the stage of life I'm in, it's challenging to find this time. Then, if I do get the time, it's almost like I don't even know what to do with it any more. I am a MOM. This is one of the most amazing, fulfilling, and joyful gifts anyone could ever ask for. How blessed I feel that God would entrust two of his incredible little miracles to my care and upbringing. Wow. I am so grateful. But with such blessing also comes many challenging and stretching times as well. The biggest challenge is usually a constant dying to myself. In a world that tells me that life is and should be all about me and what I need, it's sometimes difficult to veer past that false reality and realize that it's not all about ME. It's not all about what I need to make me comfortable, happy and safe. But my flesh fights this...probably on a daily basis. Now my days are filled with pouring out everything that's been poured into me to train and love my children; to love my husband; to be more of the woman that God has created me to be. And I guess, right now, that's what I'm trying to figure out how to do well. How do I balance these things in my life? How do I continue to think of myself less, and focus on the amazing gifts that are right in front of me? BALANCE. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to conduct a juggling act...feeding, burping, changing diapers, cleaning house, disciplining, playing, going to the grocery store, making dinner, loving my husband, loving my kids, my friends, etc, etc, etc. I want to do it all well, with a joyful heart, and still find time to be still and quiet, grow myself, enjoy creativity and hobbies, take care of my body, etc. How do I do it all?? Whew. I'm making myself dizzy! I guess the good news is that there is GRACE. A much-needed grace. Nobody figures it all out right away. It's a journey. And I'm right in the middle of this journey.
I once had a wiser, older woman in my life tell me that there is always a battle over the priorities in our lives. But the number one priority has to be my relationship with the Lord. Me and God. So first I focus on HIM and what He's asking me to do/change/reflect on/etc. In the midst of a GIANT transition, like having a 2nd baby, that #1 priority can get thrown off kilter a little bit. And, I think I need a bit of a readjustment today. I need more of HIM. Need HIM to fill me up, and remind that I can do this. I can do the things He's called me to, and I can do them well. I can push through on the hard days, when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or that I'm not loving well or that I just want to focus on myself. I can do it, because He's in me. And I can fight through the selfishness, because HE is greater in me.
Story: The other day, I was in the car with my two kiddos. After running errands all day, I made it home in time to unload the groceries, put my 3 year old down for a nap, and feed my baby girl, all before cleaning the house for our company that was coming over that night. I pulled in the driveway, with Ryan Adams "La Cienega Just Smiled" (my favorite tune at the moment) blaring in the speakers. I sat there before unloading and going inside, listening to the song. I started crying, as I sat there thinking of all the things that I'd like to do, feeling like I'm still trying to figure out who I am, just thinking of me, me, me. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, my three year old pipes up, "Mommy, you know what?" I responded, "What?" He exclaimed, "I love Jesus." And my mothers heart smiled. Thank you God for children who remind us what life is really all about.

I look forward to posting the other million and one thoughts on another day...

DETOUR

Um, well, so I got a little sidetracked there for a while...had somewhat of a detour in my life. Not only do I have another baby now, but she is actually 2 months old! Yeah, I decided I needed to take off the "new baby banner" at the top of my blog. Left it on there a tad bit too long. Seeing as how the last blog I posted was when I was 32 weeks pregnant, you can understand that I've been caught up in a major whirl wind. But life is good. Let me introduce you to my daughter, Miss Abigail Jay Smith...



I love her so much. My cup runneth over...

LIGHT and JOY

When I was pregnant with my sweet little boy, Graham, I felt like God told me to pray for JOY. So I did, I prayed over and over again that he would have a joyful spirit and be full of the joy of the Lord. And from a very early age, I could tell that God answered that prayer. He continues to bring so much joy into our lives, our friends and families, and even into strangers lives.
Now, being pregnant with my precious baby girl, the words that I am praying over her are LIGHT and JOY. In my first trimester, I drove to a park and sat in the car and just began praying for this tiny baby growing inside of me. And the word that I got for her was LIGHT. So I've been praying that she would be full of the light of Jesus. These scriptures come to mind when I'm praying for my daughter...
"For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true." Eph. 5:8-9
"You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden... Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." Matt. 5:14, 16
"If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light." Luke 11:36

Continuing to pray that our little girl would be full of Light and Joy...

This is me, pregnant at 32 weeks. We're growing strong! Not much longer to go though...

Best Dance Moves Ever

It's no secret that my son loves his music. And loving music leads him to lots of dancing. Here are some of his most recent, stellar dance moves. I'm telling you, he could win some competitions with these moves!

Happy.

My baby girl's arrival is fast approaching. I am so excited to meet this tiny girl who keeps knocking around my belling, pushing things here and there! And I get more excited every day...a GIRL! We'll have another girl in the Smith household. I can't believe it!

So, a few weeks ago I had to take the routine Glucose Screening test that you have to do when you're pregnant. I HATE this test. You have to drink this nasty, super sweet orange liquid stuff within 5 minutes, then they draw your blood. People will tell you, "Oh it tastes like Gatorade. It's not so bad." NO - IT IS HORRIBLE. This is to check if you have gestational diabetes. Well, I failed the first test. I was so frustrated and depressed about this, because I also failed it when I was pregnant with Graham. Since I failed it, I had to go back for the THREE HOUR test. This test I HATE even MORE than the first! I had to drink more of the nasty orange junk, only TWICE as strong as the first time; then they had to draw my blood FOUR different times over the span of 3 hours. BLAH. And I had to just sit there. and wait. and wait. and wait. So, I had a lot of worry and anxiety going on in my mind there for a little while. But good news! I found out yesterday that the test came back totally normal! Praise the Lord. One less thing I have to think about. I'm feeling great in this pregnancy. I am slightly anemic, which makes me a little tired right about now. But I'm taking Iron pills to help fight that. So overall, this has been a great pregnancy. And I can't believe I only have two more months of it. Yippee!!

It's time to get my daughter's nursery ready for her arrival. The kind UPS man delivered her bedding today!!! It's so soft and girly - I love it. Birds and trees. That's the theme I'm going with. Here's a picture of the bedding, but of course, it will look different in our house... (and hopefully even better!)



Isn't that the cutest baby mobile you've ever seen?! I think our little girl will love it. By the way, we're still praying about her name. The middle name is set, but we still have about 4 or 5 first names that we keep going back to. There's one name we came up with when I was pregnant with Graham, but I just don't know if it's the one or not! It's SO difficult to name a child. But I believe the Lord will show us what her name is...and it will be just perfect for her. But you'll have to wait until she is born to hear the verdict!